The weather is perfect.

Sitting in the student center is one of my favorite things, whether it be inside or outside or downstairs or whatnot. The weather is truly perfect. Not too hot at all but the sun is shining just enough to balance out the cool weather with a faded and worn sorta blue sky. The Career Fair is tomorrow, and I am not prepared. I am not prepared in many senses. I haven't updated my resume in forever and I feel like, once again, the event crept up on me without my knowing. Maybe I'll update my resume tonight after I get home from tutoring. We'll see.

I had a really good talk with Jada a few nights ago. We were just winding down in the jacuzzi after soccer practice and some homework, and I brought up the topic of homosexuality. It was a very reaffirming talk even though I have such mixed feelings about the topic. I feel like my unsteady foundation in this area wasn't steadied in any aspect, but I do feel like the surface area got a little smaller. All the gray areas in the world really pick your brain, don't they? So much of my life, or at least my college life, has been spent trying to understand and comprehend. I think that's why I like philosophy so much. It makes me start from the basics and then work my way upward... or outward. I think it's important to figure out why we think the way we do and to understand where these thoughts come from. I don't think that statement made any sense. Oh well.

My brother left for NY this morning, and it's weird knowing that I won't see him until probably Christmas. But I'm happy for him and Sujung. Hopefully he'll begin to sift through his life and start figuring stuff out for himself.

Musicians amaze me. iTunes is on shuffle right now and I'm listening to The Beatles- Across the Universe. The lyrics are incredible. Every word is so poetic and perfect. It would be incredible to have a musical gift with which you could create timeless music.

I really have no idea what I blog about nowadays. But I do like being able to put down the madness that is my thoughts down so I can look back and think, "Man, my brain is so cluttered." Anyways, time to change into "casual-business attire" and head to Admin Intern class. Oh boy.

Had soccer practice in the rain a few nights ago

And it made me feel perfectly, peacefully elated. I think elated is always linked to extreme energy and excitement, but can you be elated in peace? That's how I felt. Running around with the gentle rain made me reminisce about the high school and club days, but I didn't feel nostalgic in a sad way. I often contemplate if I am too content with life. Every morning I wake up and prepare myself for a 9-4 or 8-5 day, and half-way through, I'm usually pooped out. But, I can't find anything to not feel content with. I remember I actually had a purpose for this blog entry, but I can't remember it. It was either during practice... or something else... when I thought, "I should blog about this here thought..." But. I forget.

I am on a current Kings of Leon and Dishwalla music binge. It's all I listen to. I just turned my iTunes on shuffle, and it feels really weird.

Interactions and relationships fascinate me. From the random everyday interactions you have with strangers to the relationships that continue to build from day to day, it's all so wild. The power we hold is often inconceivable. It's so easy to pass judgment, but it can be so hard to try and see where that person is coming from. I think I have been getting better at holding my tongue when letting it loose is simply unnecessary and juvenile. Then I think, is it possible to withhold judgment about people passing judgment? I dunno.

But that makes me think of something else. Is it possible to be TOO accepting of people? Or TOO understanding? I think whenever my friends get pissed off at strangers, I try to be the neutralizer and offer a different point of view. But are there situations in which it just gets to be too much?

The rain was refreshing though. Today is supposed to be like 80 degrees though, out of nowhere. But that's ok, because I'm ready for the surf. =) I wish I had a free day, and I have to admit I'm somewhat relieved about SB backing out of our game on Saturday because that finally gives me a day to sleep in. But then, I'll definitely be hitting the beach.

Do you ever get self-conscious about how much you write "I" or "me" or "my"? I do. See? Even there. AHH. Sometimes I feel like I'm just talking about myself too much. Is that weird? It's something I think about every time I'm talking to someone, but I really don't know how to avoid it. And yes, I have definitely been thinking about it more than usual through this entire paragraph.

This post was all over the place. And I feel like I've said that before. And I feel like I've said that before. And so on. Infinite regress problem. I can't focus anymore even though I'm trying to squeeze the noise of the TV and people in student center out of my ears by blasting some Beatles through my headphones. That is all for now, folks. Ta ta!

Stuck between two teammates...

Gives me the opportunity to blog. First tournament of the season and we're in Colorado. This is the furthest I've ever traveled for sports, and I'm glad I finally get a chance to do this before graduating. Whilst being sandwiched between Jada and Lisa, I realize how much I love the team aspect of soccer. I honestly will miss this so much, so I shall follow the words of Tim McGraw and "live like [I] [am] dying." Listen to that song: "Live Like You Were Dying" by Tim McGraw. So good.

My battery is at 13%, speaking of dying.

I'm nervous for this weekend. Playing a lot of new teams at an elevation 5,000 feet higher than what we're used to. Oh boy. Bring it on. Also, it's cold. All I can say is thank God for North Face pullovers and warm glove/mitten things. But I am really hot right now. But I don't like moving and waking people up, so I will just lay here.

There was a homeless man who approached us at Denny's. He was telling us about how his friends froze to death. It was random and weird, and that provoked some giggles from the girls, but it was really sad at the same time. I wish I could understand where he was coming from and what he had potentially been through, but there's just no way I can. Two topics of the night that came up were: 1. old people who work not so great of jobs and 2. homeless people. I talked about both with Lisa, and I dunno, it put a weird spin on the night. It's strange how in a place and time during which I can be having such a good time, there is so much reality all around. People are constantly trying to survive and progress in a world where so much impedes that progression. In a world where it's so easy to get caught up in the good life, it's necessary to remember the everyday struggles of those around us as well. As I walked hand in hand, with Susie and Lisa, back to the hotel, I think I appreciated everything a little bit more. I don't think it's a bad thing for something not necessarily positive to push you towards appreciation a little bit more. But at the same time, we shouldn't rely on these wake-up calls.

Once again I think I'm rambling. It's getting really hot with sweats on and the additional 50 pounds of blanket on top of me, so I shall end here with 3 minutes of battery life left. Friends, I love you. Love those you come across with an open heart and mind. Wow. Call me cliche if you will, but fo real. =) Gnite.

Since I have a lot to do right now...

I will blog instead.

It is the first of October. Incredible. It's nearing the end of first week, and there's already so much to be done and so much that has been done. I am pooped out already. Yikes. It's 1 AM and I feel like I've been up for much longer than I have been. I still have to pack for Colorado, to which I fly to tomorrow for soccer. I'm flippin excited for many reasons, but I'm also quite anxious. Excited. Why? Because it will be cold. Also, it's exciting to get to travel with girls I love to play a sport I love in a place I've never been. Anxious. Why? Because we will be playing teams we've never played before at an elevation approximately 5,000 feet above what we're used to. Let's just say, my lungs are gonna truly despise me.

I realized today how much I like how guys' clothing hangs on them. I think I've always noticed it, but today I made note of it in my head how much I like it. I think out of all articles of clothing, t-shirts really get me. Perhaps it's the way shoulder blades make themselves so prominent and the shirt just hangs off guys' bodies. This sounds super pervy and weird but I'm serious! Shirts just don't hang off girls' bodies the way they hang off of guys'. I mean, obviously, we have boobs and (usually) a less prominent fat:muscle ratio, but still. I think I realized it in line at the pasta place in the student center. There was a very tall manboy standing in front of me, and I couldn't stop looking at his shoulder blades. Peculiarly, Suj wrote on SPOPbook: "Shoulder blades." Odd.

More and more I feel myself in situations during which I genuinely can't tell if I'm awake or not. I don't know if it's just me going through the motions or me being stupidly tired, but it's weird. I think I've been doing a lot more observing as of late, and this may contribute to this funky state I find myself drifting in and out of. There's just so much to ponder in life, and it's briefly overwhelming when you think about just how much we don't know. I say "briefly" because usually my mind wanders to some other thought shortly after this repeating epiphany.

I can't believe that in a year, I won't be attending school. What will I be doing? Perhaps I'll be teaching in Korea or wandering the world with a skinny, empty wallet. I just don't know at this point. What is my purpose? I've been thinking about this a lot lately, not that this thought has ever really left my brain or anything. Instead, it's just been swelling up in my head and taking up all the room so no other thoughts can really settle. I think about this question in many different lights, but I suppose the brightest of those lights would be in a spiritual sense.

I'm a Christian. I'll be the first to admit that I'm not the "best" Christian I could possibly be. I miss church because of soccer games and I could make more of an effort to find a small group or Bible study to join. But I do try to live the best life I can live. I am conscious and aware of the fact that my actions will be linked to my identity, and this provokes mixed emotions. First, I feel disappointed in myself that maybe the identity that people link my actions to won't have any traces of my beliefs or faith. Perhaps people don't recognize that I'm a Christian. I'm not too sure how I feel about that. Second, I feel ____ (word unknown) because I'm afraid of giving people another thing to bag on in terms of Christians as a whole.

I think I'm rambling now and my fatigue is definitely impeding my thoughts. I think what I put on SPOPbook (in the "What would you like the staff to know about you" section) and in the little box below my profile pic on facebook really defines me:
- I have a childlike sense of fascination.
- I'm pretty much in a state of constant funk and wonder.
I say this because so many things amaze me. Even words. It's crazy how I don't have to carefully think what I'm thinking and what I should be thinking next and how to type and move my fingers and create sentences and so on and so forth. It seriously just spills from our brains through our fingers and onto whatever medium we fancy. I love it.

This is a super unorganized, random post, but I like it. I have to pack still and do philosophy reading/homework and get all my junk together, but I think I'll sleep instead and hopefully wake up in the morning to do it. 8 AM class slaps me in the face, but I think my 9:30 phil class slaps me harder. Double time. I'm really starting to feel old now, especially with the whole interning thing and whatnot. I will write about that later. Anyways, that'll be it for now. That's all, folks. =) Thanks for reading.