Down Time

So today, I finally had a free day.

A day free from SPOP, work, school, friends, human contact... everything. Seriously. Just me in the very empty apartment. The hours rolled on as I found amazing ways to waste time and actually watch the sky go from light to dark. As much as I've been complaining to people about how bored I am, it is quite refreshing to have some time to really reflect and relax.

SPOP. Wow. The past three SPOPs I have staffed (1, 2, and 4) have honestly been life-changing. One of the main quotes that past staffers would always say went something along the lines of "From the outside looking in, you can never understand it, but from the inside looking out, it's indescribable." Obviously, before SPOP, I never really understood what the passion I saw in my friend's eyes and heard in their voices when they talked about it. To be honest, I didn't really understand until I actually staffed a hall. Training was fun for others, and for me it was ok-- mostly a learning experience. But staffing, wow. I rediscovered my passion for helping and reaching out to people.

All three SPOPs so far have been really different. The first hall, Otero, was a perfect warmup hall. For the most part, it was quiet with only a few kids staying up during the night. But I really tried to push myself and put myself out there for the kids and the parents. They're all so beautiful. The anticipation, fear, excitement, confusion, and even naivety in their faces seriously just sucks me into getting to know them and wanting to talk to them. My awkwardness and shyness just melt away when I realize how much I really do want to get to know these kids and where they're coming from. Or perhaps, they don't melt away and they're simply covered by that desire. Who knows. The second hall, Cumbre, was incredible. These kids had so much energy and fire that it was insanely contagious. Mike Knox put up a new little section on SPOPbook today where he posted SPOPpers responses from their evals. I was scrolling through, and I found one written to me. Once again, I am at a loss for words. And lastly, Camino was excellent in a different way from the others. I think I really saw CHANGE. I talked with kids who came from rocky pasts and neighborhoods, and I saw tough fronts disappear and transform into gentle personalities. My only regret was not finishing my paper beforehand and pulling an all-nighter the night before SPOP. The lack of sleep really caught up to me that night, and I can't apologize to my fellow staffers and my spoppers enough.

Of course, this program does have its critics, and I won't deny that there are areas to improve upon. But, there is so much positivity that explodes from this program that it blows my mind. The tears shed during Cross the Line and the Touch Game and even hall closing make all the training and whatnot so incredibly worthwhile. I think applying for SPOP staff was one of the best decisions of my life, and I think actually being accepted into the program was one of the greatest blessings of my life. But during all this goodness, I often find myself thinking of Dan and how awesome of a staffer he would have been. I think Dan would be proud though. I hope so.

I can't believe Mike Knox offered me an opportunity to be his intern. Why me? His answer to that question still made me feel unsatisfied, but I feel so grateful toward the coords for suggesting me to him. I really want to accept the position just because I feel like it's an opportunity of a lifetime. Hopefully things will work out and I'll be able to accept.

So in short, life is good. When is it not good, though? Sure there are times when so much seems so wrong, but you got to put it all in perspective. It's easy to be blinded by temporary hardships but life is about so much more than that. What may seem like a monumental setback in your journey through life is really so trivial. Life is a journey. It's not about everything working out and happening just the way you want it. Our purpose here is greater than getting caught up in the madness that ensues in our lives. Seriously, life is too good and too sweet to not enjoy on a constant basis.

Goal #2: To do something I'm afraid of.