Quiet summer nights make me so nostalgic...

It's summer time, and it's oh so quiet outside. Even in the apartment, I barely hear any movement. There's the occasional slide of the person upstairs sliding a closet door or walking around, and there's the sound of my Uyen making trips to the kitchen and then shutting herself in her room again. The world seems to be at peace right now.

While I was home, I was reminded of my friends who have passed away. I have a picture of Dan randomly in My Documents on my computer, and as I was browsing through my files, my dad was like, "Why do you have a picture of Simon JDSN?" (He's the youth pastor at my church back home.) I was confused because I definitely do not have a picture of him. My dad made me scroll up and finally pointed at the picture of Dan. He was like, "Isn't that Simon?" I told my dad that it was not him, but my dad, being the guy he is, was adamant that it was Simon. When he finally asked who it was then, I simply replied, "That's my friend, Dan." To that, my dad paused and chuckled, "He sure looks a lot like Simon." My dad knows that I had a friend who passed away last year, but to him, Dan was just one of my friends.

My cousins came over for Father's Day and I was sprawled on my parent's big couch in their room watching baseball with my brother, when my younger cousin came into the room, laughing, holding Joonha's tennis racquet/cane. She questioned me and asked me what the heck the thing was. It's understandable. I mean, it's not everyday you see a tennis racquet that's been made into a cane. I simply said, "It was my friend Joonha's..." It's been almost 3 years since Joonha passed away. It still blows my mind. I can honestly say there's not a day that goes by when I don't think about him and Dan. It's been two years since Hector passed away. I've lost so many friends during my college years-- friends from home and a friend from here. It's weird though, because I still cry just as easily now as I did then.

I'm reading a book called The Shack. It's about a man whose youngest daughter is kidnapped and murdered while they're on a trip. I'm about 1/3 of the way through, and the main character has just met God. There's a part that I had to dog ear because it struck me. Mack, the main character, realizes that "there was much in the world about which he was naive." It's so true. We go through life often subconsciously thinking we have it all figured out. Of course, when we take a step back we come to the realizations that there is stuff we just don't understand. But while we get caught up in the current, it's so easy to forget just truly how naive we are.

I don't like regretting things, but one of the things I still regret to this day is not saying bye to Dan. I still remember that night so vividly. We were all at John's house, and I went upstairs to John's room because I was tired and I felt like being in a quiet place. The only other person in the room I remember was Alexis. I was almost asleep, but not quite asleep... still aware of what was going on around me. I heard Dan come into the room to say goodbye to everyone, and he asked who was sleeping on the bed. When someone replied, he said, "Oh.. let her sleep." I felt him come over, hug me, and say goodbye. I KNEW what was going on, but I was too tired to respond. I would give so much to get that moment back. That was the last time any of us ever saw Dan.

It's hard to live life and treat others as if we might leave this world at any moment. SPOP has challenged me to live life with open eyes and a judgment-free heart. I try and love as deeply and truly as I can. I cherish my family and my friends, and I try to remember and always be conscious of how influential we can be upon people we may not even know. My family and friends have all influenced me in powerful ways, and I thank God for the blessings He constantly showers down on me.

Kriselda told me that one of the reasons she started a blog was to make a list of things to do this summer. Well here's my first one.
Goal #1: To change someone's life like Joonha, Hector, and Dan changed mine. RIP, guys.

Summer makes me start new things...

With the help of Kriselda, I decided that Xanga was so 2000-late. Hello, new and trendy blog. Ben Wong even got me into Twitter. My life is falling prey to the internet... as if it hasn't enough already. I'm even going to try capitalizing properly. How daring am I?!